As you know, I have not exactly been the Princess of Sparkle and Light lately, with all of the things that I have been trying to make sense of and work through. In fact, you could say that I have been making definite progress to Queen of Darkness – which is only partly influenced by the short daylight and more of my innate character 😉
Yet last night, I had a date. Yes, a real one. Not a meetup, not a group activity, not a concert, not volunteer work but a date. As in I asked someone out and she said “Yes”. I had a great time. It was five hours of conversation – which by the way is way over the “Guidelines for a Successful First Date”. Anyway, I asked her if she would like to do it again and she said “Yes”so we’ll see.
I walked to there and home beccause I wanted to collect steps on my FitBit and because I knew I would be nervous and would need the time to get rid of my nerves. When you are walking, you don’t have to worry about fellow tram passengers looking at you like you have lost it while you are trying to do breathing exercises to prevent the nervous puking 😉
I talked to Rupert last night when I got home. We talked alot about Mom and where we were. My brother can make perfectly normal deadpan statements hilariously funny. I don’t think he even tries. It was the first time he had left the house in two days due to the weather in Chicago. I wish sometimes that we didn’t live so far apart, which is not something I would have said 10 years ago.
I talked to Cedric on Monday night too. Sometimes, I think we aren’t any further through our grief than those first days after she was gone.
I am going to have to find a way to kick my own ass the way my mom would when I would get discouraged. 🙂