Delaying the inevitable

I need to acknowledge that right away, that I am holding off on grieving. It would be more accurate to say I am holding off on actively letting myself grieve. These are the days that I am grateful that compartmentalization is a well developed skill for me.

I’m asking myself to hold it together until next Thursday, the 30th. Very few people know what’s going on and those that do, I have asked to treat me as normally as possible because nothing brings emotion faster up than kindness.

And while I might have myself convinced that I am in control, I know myself well enough to see the little signs that indicate I am not. I am trying and that’s what I will have to go with.

Yesterday was the longest day of the year already. In terms of daylight, not in terms of work. I’m focusing on finishing this year properly and that means that it is crunch time. In addition, I’m looking to do something else in this upcoming year and I have started verbalizing that intention. In this sense, I feel that the more people know that I am exploring, the better.

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