I am wrestling again tonight. This time between going to the gym and not doing so. I’ve got an interview tomorrow so the logical side of my brain says “You will need a good night’s sleep, so go to the gym and work out the anxiety”. The other side says “You’ve spent all day preparing for this interview, including making a slide – better switch your brain off and stay home and read while serving as a pet cushion”. Sometimes, the arguments really are that basic.
Then again, I am not really sure if this is a sign that my mental capacities are truly slowing down or if I need a vacation. Mine starts 27 August so that will be the litmus test. If, after 3 weeks, I don’t feel recharged, then I might start to worry. I was explaining to GG the other night that I feel like I am stuck in the middle of so many different choices and I really want there to be movement. This is kind of silly since movement is happening, only not fast enough for my liking.
Last Tuesday, I surprised GG with an evening in The Hague to see Henry Rollins at the outdoor theatre in the Zuiderpark. The weather was good. We had front row seats and it felt good to see him again. I have been going to see Rollins since I was 17 so I feel very much that we have grown up together in many ways. When I was much younger, reading his books made me feel like someone else knew what it was like to feel isolated and alienated. He gave me ways to describe how I thought about the world and opened my mind up to exploring further ideas. Now I feel like we are checking in with each other, both older, greyer and slightly more insightful about the experiences we have had. It’s a connection point, a conversation with each other. We don’t have to know each other but we understand each other.
Speaking of conversations, Dylan was here on Thursday evening and Friday on his way back from Central Europe to the US. Thursday night he shared his political views with me and pictures of his trip. I shared alot of gin with tonic. Friday night we met Sjoerd and sat on a terrace before going for cheese fondue. In contrast to Thursday’s wintry rains, Friday evening was sunny and we spent a couple of hours on a terrace at Nieuwmarkt people watching.
On Sunday, GG and I went with the meetup to go boating in the canals. It was a great way to see Amsterdam. Everyone brought snacks and drinks and we had two boats of ten. I took the helm on the last bit back and got to not only turn in the middle of the canal but also parallel park. It was pretty good. I reached deep into my memory of pushing back airplanes and how slowly and widely they turn.
Henry is not feeling so good. He stayed home from his outing with Kate today because he seems to be favoring his hind legs. He will be staying home tomorrow too. Dachshunds and their very long backs… I really try to keep a close watch on him. He’s eating though and isn’t yelping or anything. If it’s not better after a few days of rest, you know where we will be going… the vet.
I’ll let you know how the interview goes tomorrow … gulp…