That’s what I am trying to achieve today, keeping myself distracted from the next few days. Of course, it is not really working so I just fired up Elvis Presley’s Christmas album and I am getting ready to let the emotions out. Or as someone recently said “emotional incontinence” which has a certain truth to it.

Let’s be honest, I really don’t like this time of year. There are number of dates during this time of the year that remind me anew of how many people are missing from my life. This year, I can add Raven and Moortje to that list. So, what am I doing? Poking the dragon, so to speak. I know I will feel better if I let some of this emotion out. So far, it is stuck somewhere around my chest and doesn’t want to come up higher.

This afternoon I still need to get food for the pets, flowers for the graves and a few basic groceries for the next few days since things will be closed here for 1st and 2nd Christmas day. I also need to take out the trash, the recycling to the 3 different drop off points and the boys to the park. Tonight we’ll go to the church in Marum for the Christmas Eve service. I am going to try to keep the tears down to 50% of the service…

Good thing I am getting some of them out now.

My aunt called last night since we won’t see each other on 1st Christmas Day. GG’s family got their names on the schedule first so that’s where we will be tomorrow. I am dreading it. Nothing to do with them at all, it is all me. I don’t want to be around anyone’s happy family at this time of the year. The boys are also invited so I will have my service animals handy. Also, having to take the dogs out to pee is a handy and polite way to get breaks to tell myself to “Pull yourself together” in my best English accent.

It was really strange not to spend lots of time on picking out the perfect gift for Raven and getting it in the mail so it would get to him ontime. It will be even stranger not to talk to him via phone during the next few days.

I’m going to struggle for the next few days, until the family is here — which will then distract me into Big Sister mode.

I love you all, thank you for being part of my life. I’m wishing you the celebration that fits you best this time of the year — xoxoxoxox, C