Looking out the window, there;s nothing to see but snow fields intersected by what looks like bodies of open water. I can’t tell if they are rivers that flow properly or how they are exactly connected. It’s beautiful… I will have to upload a photo after we land.
In case you are wondering why the silence, I have to say I haven’t really felt very much like writing here. I feel like I am working so hard to contain all of the emotions I am feeling lately that if I start writing, they will come lose and then I won’t be able to re-compartmentalize myself and keep going like everything is normal.
It’s not normal. I miss Lientje. When I say that, I mean that I still keep looking for her in the house when I come home. Having the door to the laundry room closed feels wrong. That was Lientje’s hideway for her dry food, high out of George’s amazingly acrobatic reach. Lientje always used to sit on the dining room table, waiting for her wet food at night. I still want to turn and get out her food after feeding the boys. Then there’s the moments that I think I see her in the shadows.
Without her, the house doesn’t feel like home. We have her ashes, in a container next to Moortje’s. It was heavier than I expected.
Due to the fact that I am a practitioner of throwing yourself 150% into something else until I feel ready to let the tears out and mourn, I’ve been running at all top speed. On the way to Seattle today to take care of stuff for the next few days. Next week, the first version of our data science school for women starts. I am really excited to have been part of this project – hell, for the entire duration I will be one of the coaches/teachers. It’s been really uplifting to put this cohort of women together and to begin thinking about where they will land after this experience.
GG and I are still disappointed in our housing efforts. Two days ago, we heard yet again that we were not the winning contestants. This process is getting old, I am about to propose to her that we simply buy a motorhome 😉
Running low on power and there’s something wrong with the power outlets on the plane so I think I will stop here.