Forgiveness…

Last night I had the most intense dream, one of those dreams that even when you wake up and know that you are awake, you continue to have the feeling that the dream is the reality.

In my dream, I was deeply involved in a conversation that I have never been able to have. I was able to get through all of the questions that had been running through mind and actually ask them to the person. I didn’t clear answers, or not ones that I remember.

When I woke up at 3AM, which is my usual time every night for wake up and look at the clock and remind myself that there are 3-4 more hours of sleep time available, I continued the conversation. I was awake and I continued the conversation with the sensation that the other person was also present. I still had things to say. The last thing I had to say was “I forgive you. I am done carrying this with me. I wish you peace.”

All day long I have felt like there is an enormous weight gone out of my life. It feels literally as if I have been freed. The closest experience I have had to this kind of feeling is when I had an intensive accupunture treatment that they normally use after trauma. I feel that same lightness today. It’s a feeling that I have been able to hold onto because today has certainly not been stress free. Nor have any of the daily stressors been eliminated. So it’s not like I woke up in a Disney movie. 😉

Being me, I have tried testing it. Like just now I tried thinking about the person, to see if the usual feelings would come up. Nope. Now that is nice! I think that means that I am ready to walk on.

I feel like I have a super productive meeting, one that needed to be had and that now action can be taken. In this case, forgiveness.

It’s also fueled my usual optimism even higher, which is already pretty noisy! When I look at the list of struggle items today, I am still optimistic that they can be solved positively and that everything will work out. I am grateful that I can use my talents to try and change messed up systems.

What’s your experience with forgiveness?

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