Now seating pity party for one…

Up until yesterday I really thought that I wouldn’t be bothered by the fact that today is Thanksgiving in the US. Then I started getting antsy last night and today it was definitely worse. And that’s when I admitted to myself that I was feeling a little sorry for myself thinking that everyone is getting together today for big family dinners with occasional culinary misses. Of course, I could cynically say it is just fueling up for the Black Friday chaos but that’s copping out. So, I will freely admit that I am having a pity party.

Yes, I know I made the choice to move all the way over here. This time last year I was still camping on the floor waiting for the crate of household goods to come in via ship. So, I had more distractions, you could say. I also really miss my mom. Because we didn’t eat turkey and it was often just us two, we would go to the 4 o’clock movie while everyone was eating their holiday meal. This ensured us that we pretty much had the theatre to ourselves and she could talk as much as she wanted during the movie. Mom frequently asked questions in the move or added commentary. And she wasn’t doing it in a whisper either. After that, we would go home and eat. I was also thinking about our last Thanksgiving. She ate at the table, which I know was hard. We had an appointment with oncology the next day. I remember her telling the doctor that she ate so much and then running down the list of foods. What she didn’t tell the doctor is that they were all one small plate. And he asked her what the best thing about Thanksgiving was and she told him that all of her kids were under the same roof and they all got along. This was the first time we siblings had been together in years. He asked if that was unusual that we all got along. She told him that she didn’t care if we were faking it, it just proved we could do it and she had such a devilish light in her eye when she said that.

Make no mistake, my mom was a dangerously charming woman. She had a way of getting to you that she was completely unaware of. It always surprised her that people liked her. And if they did, that meant they were getting too close and she would have to find somewhere new to go. The cycle would repeat itself. I miss her.

I hear Eliza’s voice in my head saying “Pull yourself together” in her very English proper way. I think that is my all time favorite thing she says. But I think today that’s a little beyond me and I am just going to give in to the sadness.

2 thoughts on “Now seating pity party for one…

  1. Happy Thanksgiving Caroline! Please know that even across the Atlantic, when I read your blog, you don’t seem so far away. I know how much you’re thinking of your mom and missing her now but remember how much you are loved by one and all. My whole family wishes you every happiness today, no matter what you and your puppies and kitties are eating to celebrate!
    Love, Laura

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