Introspection

While I am still listening to Melissa and enjoying the few minutes of peace since the boys are out with Kate, I would be less than truthful if I didn’t say that I am worn out. Emotionally, my batteries are on the 1% level. I am having a hard time channeling the necessary energy to be supportive, social, warm and wise with the world outside my front door. And this is also the week that I chose to jump off my anti depressant. You know, I never really only do one thing at a time 😉

Leaving on Sunday for Vught and while I know it will be mentally exhausting, confronting and frustrating – I still expect to find a away to regain strength and patience while I am there. Perhaps because I am not under any pressure to do anything there but learn Dutch and absolutely not use English. Perhaps because I am staying in an old manor house and will be able to bike around the area. Or perhaps because I will finally be able to get an original Bossche bol like this one

Worth taking a vegan holiday for!
Worth taking a vegan holiday for!

For those of you pastry purists, a Bossche bol is covered in pure chocolate which is what makes it stand out from creampuffs or moorkoppen.

I will use the time to build up my reserves again and recharge the introvert battery. I would like to take my banjo, having just learned Dueling Banjos in yesterday’s lesson. However, dueling by definition means there is someone else involved 😉

Work is very, very stressful at the moment. As much my own as absorbing other people’s stress. Today I was in the Hague for a meeting and driving on the way back, I was tempted to take a turn off into the polder and disappear into a meadow amongst a herd of cows. I had a feeling that lying in a meadow, curled up against a cud chewing cow was a good way to disappear from the rest of the world for a bit. And an opportunity to collect cow manure first hand!

Tomorrow there are more meetings, more people stressing out. I will see Eddie tomorrow evening which will help. Saturday night, I am going with my Aunt, Jo, Pieter, Sjoerd and Marieke to see Tuck & Patty at the North Sea Jazz Club for dinner and a concert. It was a 75th birthday gift to my aunt from all of us because there’s nothing she likes better than going out to dinner with everyone and dressing up. I am my Aunt’s date if you were unsure of the order 😉 I am not really sure who Tuck & Patty are, other than older than me, so I think I will just not look up their music and prepare to be surprised.

I am aware that the overall quality of my life is very good and I am grateful for that. I don’t want to convey the impression that I don’t recognize it and appreciate it. Just lately, things have been piling up and at least I know now when I need to take a break from the outside world. If I don’t post for a few days, don’t worry. If you don’t read anything for a few weeks, then that’s something else entirely.

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