This time, Spokane. I have about three hours before my flight leaves. So, I looked for the place that serves a decent glass of wine and has wireless. I feel the need to post again today, probably because it helps me process through events and emotions.
Earlier today, I was deeply in need of “Mom” energy. What I mean by that is that I needed to talk to someone who was a mom, who has been through the yuck sometimes and seen their kiddo come out okay. And who also understands the uncertainty that one feels when they wonder if they have done it all wrong with respect to their kid. I don’t have many friends who are parents so I called Rupert. Talking to him helped, he encouraged me to be only in the moment with R and not stress about the future implications, to ask questions and just be right there with him. It helped.
After leaving the hotel, I needed to kill some time before visiting hour so I drove around the area and ended up stopping for lunch at Veraci pizza. Here’s a weird connection, right down the hill (in Seattle) from my mom’s old apartment was the only Veraci pizza. Apparently business has been good and they have branched out to Spokane. Plus they served kombucha so I felt like I really needed to go in.
Of course, walking into a restaurant here alone makes servers look at you funny so I was seated at the back bar, one seat away from another party of one. I intended on eating my lunch and drinking my kombucha and trying to sit still. However, my fellow single party began talking to me. As we talked, I realized something, here was the Mom encouragement I needed. For she had three children who were definitely teenagers and I gather from her wisdom they were not always the easiest. She reminded me that I still have what it takes to be around R and that the environment was the uncertainty, not the bond between us. And without me realizing it, she bought me lunch.
Where I am going with all of this is that there is something to this thing of asking for help. When I realize I need it and ask for it, it finds me. The kindness of this woman today, who kept talking to me and asking me questions, when I hadn’t given any thought to sharing anything with anyone today, reminds me of how many people there are who connect with us and want to.
I will say this about seeing R, I am so glad that I could. The environment was completely not comfortable but the hour flew by and it was really good to see how surprised he was to see me. As I reminded him, I will always find him 😉 I did manage to stay focused in the moment with him. It was really good to see that one of the things that he worries about most is that he will not see his friends again. He gave me a letter to mail to one of his friends and when I read it I realized that my boy knows how to bond with people now. My mom was right when she said we taught him that he was loved and that he is connected. I don’t know what his next destination is but I encouraged him to use words to express what he wants instead of actions.
Now it is on to the next part of this week. For the next few days, it will be good to be really busy with training at Nerd Camp. Keeps my head busy until it is ready to listen to what my heart has to say. I will also have a chance to see a number of old colleagues and catch up with their latest news.
I haven’t heard anything yet from home, so I hope the pets are behaving. There was significant bad weather yesterday, people were sending me pictures of the downed trees in Amsterdam. I think I can safely say that Henry and George probably were not hanging out in the park yesterday.
I was about to write about some of the things I like about the US but I have just been sidetracked by this group of good ol’ boys sitting at the bar talking trash about women, liberals, golf, prenups, women treating you the way they should – you know that kind of stuff. However, they have left for their flight to wherever so it is quiet again. The things I like about the US: toilet seat covers in public restrooms (although after living in Europe, I have pretty much forgotten that they are ever there), the availability of public bathrooms, the wide open spaces between places, hand sanitizer stations everywhere, the size of the wine pours. 😉
I do think it is kind of weird that Americans will tell each other stuff, like to random strangers, that mostly seem to involve how much you have to buy or how much you own or what you spent. Since living in the Netherlands, I only tend to run into that when I run into Americans. For example, these two guys sitting here right now have just met at this wine bar and they are already discussing prenups and costs of their lives. Weird. Of course, one has been married four times, so I guess he has alot of wisdom to impart about what not to do…
Earlier today, I also told someone more than I normally would have so I guess that American habit is alive and well in me also!