Here comes that Rebel Heart again…

the album, of course. I am listening to it alot again. Lately I’ve been feeling pressure that the way I communicate is too different for some people to handle well. Not that I am sitting around dropping the F-bomb and insulting people but rather that in some ways I am too direct. Hahahaha, yes, you read that correctly. I am learning here that when it comes to matters not involving feelings or emotions, there’s one level of directness that is expected. The Dutch do that very well. However, when it comes to communicating directly about feelings or emotions, directness does not apply and is apparently a little discomforting. You guessed it, socially I am a walking liability πŸ˜‰

This past weekend, I had quite a few conversations on this topic, with very interesting and mixed results. I also have a greater understanding of why many people who are not Dutch do not date the Dutch. Like any society, there are different cultural norms in play. And I run right over a few them πŸ˜‰ Which then leads to the question, do I want to conform in order to have greater social success? Or do I want to continue to grow and take the risk that I will continue to have the same problems (or new ones)? I think you can guess which way I am heading…

Not to conforming. I did put some new social rules in place for myself. I am going to stop evaluating and analysing and just do. I think I was a little too caught up on creating and nurturing a connection instead of letting it appear or not by itself. I am very project oriented which spills over into my social life as well. I am leaving the project functions outside of my social life, I can continue to be that way everywhere else. Socially, I am going to plunge forward without all the pre-thinking.

Why? Because as I discovered at the meetup and then afterwards, it is much more fun and you enjoy it for exactly what it is, rather than worrying about how this stacks up against the project plan. It is a matter of saying Yes, to everything that is possible.Β It also is likely to make it easier for me to avoid the emotionally unavailable because I just went through my second experience with that since July. Since I seem to be doing something that attracts that or I ignore the signs of it, I need to change my outlook πŸ˜‰

Currently, I am waiting on the vet to call back. The cats went today and it was traumatic for them. Moortje was so angry, I have never seen him like that. He was growling and hissing, kind of like Mikha used to do everytime she had to go to the vet. He’s lost 700g since July which is not very good news. I am waiting for the blood results for both of the cats. While logically I know he’s already old and continues to age, I am still hoping that he will be around a bit longer.

I am off to Madrid tomorrow and I was hoping for warmer weather. However, it is only in the low 50s and with rain. Bummer that I won’t get a sun break! Oh well, if you have to spend a lot time sitting in meetings, good weather doesn’t matter! I definitely plan to check out the Madrid nightlife πŸ˜‰



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