This morning, I was at the stable at 928AM for my second round with Wub the Wonder Horse. On my bike to Astrid (in the parking garage) and on the way to Haarlem, I was really going back and forth between subjects for today. I thought I was going to work on part two of my compassion and empathy project. Yet there was a much bigger wave of feeling pushing behind that. I stopped thinking to see if I could just feel and properly submerge it under the list of practical topics 😉 I realized it was missing my Mom. Random and heavy.
I took that with me to Wub and we had quite an adventure today. In between learning what happens when you keep letting a horse chew on your hand because you are not paying attention to your boundaries, I realized why I am missing Mom so much. It’s all these transitions. I really wish she was here to tease me, to give me a hard time and to yell “Towanda!”.
You know, it’s a big deal to name your company after something your Mom said. In one way, it’s a reminder every day of her and her ideas. And in the other way, it’s a reminder that every day, she is not here any more. I have to find a balance with that. Not only for practical reasons (the paperwork is already filed) but because I really believe in the name and I believe in what she said.
She’s my inspiration. It’s because of her that I feel so strongly about people being able to get ahead. It’s because of her that I think that it’s mighty fine to be a rebel. It’s because of her I can go from compassion to action in six seconds regardless of the circumstances surrounding me. She was my greatest challenger – “why not a PhD in nanotechnology?” 😉
Wub and I reached an understanding today. He took the four cones I had in the ring, representing 4 specific topics and put two of them right out of commission. Interestingly enough, they were the cone for what happens when my greatest strength is the only thing I use and allow in my life and the cone for the complete opposite of my greatest strength and what I am most afraid of becoming. He left me with the cones for my greatest strength and how I want to cultivate it.
I have some homework over the next two weeks before I see Wub again. In addition, there’s all the work to get ready for the move. I am pleased to say that the house is emptier by a few loads of donations. There’s alot of empty space in the closet now. Feels good. 🙂