the last album by the great Leonard Cohen. I am listening to it now, it seems to fit with today. I went by the house today to put the garbage can out, return the original renovation plans for the next owner and get one last bottle full of Custom Pure water from the kitchen.

In the empty house, I said thank you and goodbye. Thank you for the shelter and the beauty, thank you for the warmth and the place where the last months were as good as they could be, thank you for the chance to have all of us under one roof, even if only for a holiday or two, thank you for the sanctuary, the chance to give my Mom the beautiful house she deserved. Most importantly, a thank you for the place of peace and sunlight for when she chose to go.

Then I said good bye. To the house, to an earlier version of myself and to West Seattle.

It seems I had one more stop to make in West Seattle, to my favorite painter and leader of the pack, Jan. Sitting in front of her Dog City, with one little dog in particular, Skittle, trying to get her attention through the window, we caught up on each other’s big plans and she’s given me a completely new angle to think about for my social enterprise empire. I have to tell GG first before I share it here 😉 GG likes to hear all my crackpot ideas first, just not when I come home at 230 in the morning!

I’ve packed all my bags, including the extra duffel I got at REI. It’s a small one, I just needed a little extra room this time. If only you could roll tortillas inside your shoes!

I woke up this morning to my phone blowing up with all kinds of messages, first day of the data science academy and there were some kinks to get out of the way. By the end of their day, everything was settled and it sounds like all 24 of our participants will keep going. In particular, there was debate over the upcoming holiday schedule like King’s Day, etc. It was quite funny since it was pre-coffee for me and my reaction was “I don’t give a damn about holidays. I am American, I expect us to work through them, the Academy goes on.” I lost the argument 😉 They will get King’s Day and Pentecost off. That means a long weekend for me too, so I can’t be too dismayed.

This afternoon, the Move Goddess and I nursed a couple of beers and talked about alot of things. In particular: journeys, faith and my Mom. I learned some new things today. That’s the gift that other people can give you, perspective.

There are so many women here who dress like my Mom did. I still find myself looking twice. The woman who will be repainting the house fits the type as well. I said “Towanda” to her and she got the reference right away. I know my Mom would approve of her handiness and attitude even if she would want to ask 57 questions about really matching that paint color. It feels good to leave the refresh in her hands. I hope when I am that age, I still have that kind of energy.

As for tomorrow, it will be one last pedicure, lunch with Sibelle and then off to the airport on my way home. I hear I am missed 🙂 I’ll go from the airport to drop off the suitcases and then right away to a meeting. I’m working with some people on a theater troupe that is composed of homeless people. We’ve been asked to help them think about venues, getting the word out and generally growing their audience share. It’s an interesting challenge to tackle since the audience needs to be small, less than 50 in order to preserve the spirit of the experience. I always had a yen for the stage so this is my way of contributing 😉

Okay, if you texted me yesterday and you got a strange response… you had the right number, I just had tremendous difficulty with the speech to text functionality funneled through the rental car’s Bluetooth system. I don’t know who you were but I apologize for the silliness. I learned later from someone else that the car’s system eats texts and doesn’t really send them anywhere. So much for my technical skills 😉

Today was really beautiful weather, checkout with the tenants was a little overwhelming. In part because of the act of walking through the house with the check out list and in part because they have kind of weird group dynamic right now. Their happy collective is less than happy. Everyone was on their best behavior but the undercurrents were something fierce. There were a few fun surprises, like mysterious frozen food packages and things left in random drawers. However, the house was in good shape and I was left again with the impression of what a beautiful space it is, especially the original fir floors.

When the week begins, it will be a flurry of tasks, like getting a painter in, a yard service and carpet cleaning. All details that can be taken care of, hopefully before I leave again. I am doing very well with not expecting people to respond over a weekend. See, living in the Netherlands has taught me a respect for work-life balance.

I saw my good friend Mark yesterday. We only had an hour for lunch since he is as busy as always but it was so good to see him. I learned more about being emotionally aware and who I am during the time Raven and I would go and see Mark. Somewhere along the way, it turned it into friendship. Probably because I have always had this feeling that if I were a man, I would be like Mark. During this trip, I have really tried to give all of the emotions their place in the sun, recognizing that the easiest way not to get freaked out is by letting them out. That feels good, like freedom.

For dinner, Sibelle and I went for Vietnamese and spent 20 minutes eating (their kitchen is fast) and two hours taking up table space and talking. One of the things I am most grateful for is that I have the room and the people who like to talk about ideas and concepts. I learn and learn some more.

I think that what the people in my life share is the intensity of who they are. I can drop in out of the sky and we connect again, as if there was no distance or time intervals. It is as if it were yesterday that we last saw each other. I don’t take that for granted. It makes me feel anchored, as if there are places that I clearly belong and people to whom I belong. I like that.

This afternoon, I went to Ballard and picked up the mail. There were still pieces of mail addressed to my Mom’s various aliases. She used to sign up for mailing lists at events as Dr.  By doing this, she was able to track what was paper spam. Sure enough, there is still mail coming to the Dr. I went to Golden Gardens afterwards and sat in the sun, looking out over the water and thinking of the times that we had walked there, talking at record speed. Driving through my old neighborhood, I realized that Ballard still feels like home to me, in the sense that is where my heart would be in Seattle. I think you can have more than one home. It is a feeling that you take with you, like memories.

I don’t know where I will spend the rest of my life, but I do know that I will always be able to find my way home, for it is within me.

Speaking of home, you know that my primary task here is to be the tortilla courier. There are so many PCC stores now (my favorite local grocery) and I still ended up going to the small one at Green Lake to stock up on tortillas. I did leave three packages for other people but the other 12 are currently in the freezer here in my hotel room. That store hasn’t changed at all. I could still tell people that horseradish was in the chilled section next to the pickles and I did. Funny how the little details stick with you. I think I have to be done shopping now because otherwise I will be running into overweight suitcases.

One thing I do not miss is the traffic. Even on a Saturday, the traffic here is MISERABLE. No matter which way you go, you will end up with it taking way longer than you want it to or planned for. I plan a standard hour to go 15 miles. The cars are so big here! I have a compact and it’s bigger than Astrid. In the Netherlands, it would be a full size for sure!

Tomorrow is Easter. This means that on Monday, I will go and buy up all the special M&M’s that GG wants at a discount. She would like one pack of all the different kinds, particularly the Neapolitan – which just sounds disgusting. However, it’s a relatively small souvenir and I am now Dutch enough to not want to pay full price for them 😉

I bought a book yesterday, well, more than one. However, I am currently reading The Other Alcott. I couldn’t resist because Louisa May Alcott remains one of my all time favorite writers and I am instantly drawn to anything about her. I am halfway through it and reading a book again, instead of on a Kindle is such a lovely, guilty pleasure. If we ever end up moving to a bigger house, I am looking forward to having all my books out of storage and free for the reading. I’d quite like to have a room that served only as a library 🙂

And before I forget, today is Little C’s birthday. She tries every year to get away with no one catching her to celebrate it. I’m going to fix that. 🙂

I started this morning at 5AM local time, wide awake and ready to face the world, powered by Starbucks Via instant coffee. Single handedly the best product Starbucks has ever made in my opinion. Of course, this made it 2PM in the Netherlands so plenty of time to work. Technically, I took vacation days to be here but I know that it is good distraction for me to keep working while I am here. I just stop when the alarm clock goes off, like the factory lunch whistle.

A little after 8AM and I was out the door, right into the morning rush hour and off to West Seattle. After picking up the mail, it was time to head to Dub Sea Coffee, which remains one of my favorite places in the world and an inspiration for some of the things I want to do next. Seated at the high counter in the window, with a pile of mail to open and a strong coffee and vegan donut, I couldn’t help but think of how many times I had sat in that window with my mom next to me. That was our favorite place to sit. Mom with the paper and me with my book. I would always run out of patience first and need to get up and move. That has more to do with my previously well developed sense of not relaxing and being in the moment.

Sitting in that window, there were so many things Mom and I talked about. All kinds of big dreams and ideas, usually with me being the one who rolled right into practical. I think the strength that I have in seeing big pictures and always wanting to take things to one level higher is something I inherited from my Mom and her sense of big dreams. I never realized that until right now.

After a quick stop at the house and seeing that my soon to be former tenants have a lot of work to do before they move out, it was time for a pedicure, American style. That was nice 🙂 Then off to the Junction, to get the dogs shampoo and special peanut butter treats. First, I went to the Husky Deli for lunch. Raven and I used to stop there on Sundays, after the farmer’s market. If he hadn’t spent his allowance at the market, then he would spend at the Husky Deli on ice cream. They allow split scoops of flavors, so he would always feel like his ice cream dollar was stretching twice as far, important economics lesson! We would usually sit at the counter in the window, dreaming up future flavor combinations. Today, the other people in the window were talking about the development of West Seattle.

From there, a last stop at the holistic drug store to stock up on people shampoo and vitamins and then it was time to leave West Seattle. I took the long way around, seeing how much has changed. The demand for housing is high here and in every direction, there are new buildings going up, the size of blocks. I am not sure how much of it is affordable but there’s a lot of it.

When I got back to the hotel, I took a nap for 90 minutes which will probably mess with my sleep schedule. Right now, it is 4AM according to my computer and here I am, typing away. Not to worry, I discovered something called Spiked Seltzer at Target yesterday and I think after two of these, I will fall asleep at a reasonable hour tonight 😉 There’s also all the emotions that came up today and those will definitely do their part for wearing me out!

This morning, for the first time in 25 years, I did not wake up to a cat wanting breakfast or attention. Instead, I woke up with little Lientje one last time tucked in next to me and with the awareness that my small, shy, heavy footed little tabby cat was not coming back.

Yesterday morning, in the usual madness of the morning rituals around here, she made an unusual grumpy meow. I picked her up and held for a minute and then off we went to get her breakfast, chase after the dogs and get ready to face the freezing cold and a day full of uncomfortable meetings.

When we came home last night, she wasn’t anywhere to be found. Until we looked next to the boys’ bed (the playpen that my brothers and I spent alot of time in) and there she was under the radiator, reaching out to the boys. She wasn’t very responsive. There was no other choice than to bundle her up and go to the 24 hour emergency room.

On the way, I held her close and all tucked into a blanket, talking to her the whole while. We were there for a few hours. When she was stabilizing, we were talking about what to do for her treatment. I had been talking to and touching her under the warming lamp and her body was responding at least. Then suddenly she made a big movement with her hind foot scratching at her head and her ear, with a little meow and then she was gone.

I want to hold the image in my head of my Oma and Opa standing with my Mom and Raven, surrounded by Ninja, Mikha, the bunnies and Moortje waiting for Lientje. Tales twitching and warm laps and lots of love.

It’s going to be hard to get used to the idea that I won’t hear the sound of a small cat wearing NBA player sized basketball shoes walking through the house. That there won’t be someone sitting next to my desk, staring at the computer screen and trying to walk over the keyboard when she wants attention. When I take powernaps, there will only be two now who look for space to snooze with.

My mom gave me a magnet once with a tabby cat on it that said “A cat is such a nice thing to come home to”. Coming home today after walking the boys, I realized just how much of a missing thing that is, there’s no cat waiting for us.

Goodbye, my little tabby. Thank you for the years of love that you brought into all of the places that we lived.

GG is sitting on one end with Lientje on her lap. I think they are mining for crypto currency or planning other sinister things. Henry and George are in the middle, curled up like yin and yang and snoring in concert. Me? I am at the other end of the couch, drinking tea and plotting which city to move to.

I have been comparing so many houses and cities that my glasses are need of a new layer of anti-glare coating! Yesterday I was in Leiden, working from the house of my remaining intern. He and his girlfriend live in this tiny old loft that is part of an enclosed complex that women once lived in. It’s known as a hofje which translates to little court. It It was right on the canal and is located all the way at the top, above the big gate that is the entrance to the complex.

Leiden is full of mysterious little courtyards and alleys that go between houses and wind behind them. It’s a very different topography than Amsterdam. Still cold though. It might be possible to skate on the canals on Thursday!

I’ve been pretty busy, with all my OpenEdx classes on everything from Project Management to Indigenous Education. I still would like to get that Master’s from UBC… However, not sure I want to leave Europe. Plus an amazing person came over from the US and I was busy bringing her across the Netherlands and her message of diversity in engineering. We had a great time and she recharged my battery.

Plus I am building knowledge bootcamps to expand skills and increase the diversity in tech.Next week I need to pitch my first one to the people from the US. I am excited by the chance because I would much rather reach 2000 in a single year than 60. This is making other people nervous since they were kind of happy with trying it 15 students at a time 😉

You could say that I am keeping myself busy with creating the next part of my working life 😉  I have definite time lines and goals in mind. One month from today and I will be on my way back to Seattle. I can’t wait to get a tofu scramble from PCC!!!

I am really disappointed… it was a total disaster inside, 100 times worse than what I was expecting. Not only that but I am sorrowful that such a beautiful house has fallen on such hard times, through neglect. There were holes in ceilings, animal droppings that I couldn’t recognize even with my years of pet parent experience, smells that defied the imagination and so much lack of care.

It’s a project that we can’t even begin to tackle, especially given the ridiculousness of their asking price. I gave the showing agents a rather forward piece of my mind, also for their reluctance to share information ahead of time and what I felt was a lack of professionalism regarding a transaction like this. They looked at me like I was two burritos short of the combo platter, which tells me that their job is way too easy. It is unbelievable that they didn’t even have reports of the measurements of the house or any other information.

There’s so much potential in that house, to be unlocked. But first you’d have to wade through 44 plus years of total neglect. I know it’s only a building but I couldn’t help thinking “What the hell is wrong with people?”

I think it is also fair to say that I am kind of mad. Not just disappointed but really mad. I know that I got myself super excited about this house and that’s on me.

I think I will have to pick it all away during my banjo lesson tonight. And try to wash it all way with a lot of hot water because I am not entirely sure that I didn’t pick up an entire collection of health hazards in there.

Back to the drawing board, damnit…

Tomorrow, it’s the viewing of the potential site of the Crazy Train Project. I have been waiting a very long time (3 plus weeks) for this. I am sure that by the time I finally fall asleep tonight, I will be having all kinds of dreams involving a massive, run down monumental building and my mom going through it, making comments about which projects she would tackle first.

I have a good feeling about this one. I know I have said that before, in this eight month search for the right place. I am not scared of the mega project from hell in terms of renovation and rehab. I am not scared of walking through the massive front doors and saying in my outdoor voice “OMG, I am in love”.  By now, we’ve looked at enough places that GG and our realtor don’t even bother telling me to keep my enthusiasm slightly less obvious 😉 I will be paying attention to see if I hear Mom!

Rollins on Monday was fabulous. By accident, we were right in front of where he was standing on stage. He was presenting a slideshow of his travel photographs so he wasn’t in the center. Which I think might have disappointed the people who scrambled to be in the very center of the front row. He was powerful, funny, inspiring and a reminder of so many places and people in my life. I can never get enough of him.

Last night at the meetup I was hosting, one of the attendees tried to sell me on the idea of moving to a farm in France, where the cost of living is much lower. One small problem, my French is abysmal and well, I think I will try it out as a vacation destination first!

Anyway, think I am going to go and torture GG with some more ideas…

Tonight we’re off to Eindhoven – also known as the home of Philips – yes, that one, to see Henry Rollins in his Travel Slideshow spoken word. It will be good to see him again. However, we have to go via the part of the country where the most and worst traffic jams occur so we’re leaving here pretty early. I think a little too early but I am not driving today. I am the nose blowing passenger.

I am holding off on taking the dwindling supply of Alka Seltzer under an hour before show time.

Last night I had a long talk with my brother about the Crazy Train Project. It’s a nice thing to be able to bounce some ideas of someone who is definitely a serial entrepreneur and can share that advice with me. He gave me some things to think about regarding this project. Even if this doesn’t turn out to be the right location, I really want to see this project come to life. I realized while I was talking to him that one of my inspirations for the project is DubSea Coffee. Which then started me thinking about 50 other possibilities!

Yesterday I ended up with a text message on my phone from someone who used to work with me a very long time ago, when I worked at the airport. That was definitely a trip down memory lane and it made me realize how much my life has changed since those times, good and bad. It also made me wonder how much have I changed myself. Needless to say, I gave myself so many things to think about, I ended up having very vivid dreams 😉

I think one thing is for sure, I don’t need to have an answer to every question anymore. Now, that’s progress in itself. For some people, they need a concrete understanding. There are some things in which you need to have it. For me, I think I am pretty good with just knowing that there are multiple possible answers and actually, the answers are not that important. Furthermore, there are some questions where there just are not any answers for that make any sense.. 😉 and that could only be something from a TV drama.

Anyway, one week from today and it’s the open house for building that the Crazy Train Project is based on. I wish it was today already!