You would think that I would have learned to listen by now… you would think. 😉 The past couple of weeks have been packed full. I’ve had a new group start, the boys and I now go to the classroom three days a week. Around the school part, I’m busy heading every which way to network and potentially find future employers for our new group. That means certain things fall by the wayside. I’ve skipped yoga, skipped on sleep and skipped meals. All some how feeling that it was saving me time.

Until I woke up this morning with a runny nose and a fever. Damnit.

For most of today, I’ve read two chapters of my latest book and fallen asleep. Wake up and get some more tea and say 5 sentences to GG and open the book again. Repeat. The dogs are alternately happy with the fact that they have a dogsbody keep them warm and looking for me to get up more often to provide them with some kind of excitement.

I had a long talk today, during one of the awake periods, with my mentee in Kenya. Our last conversation was pretty tough. He’s going through some hard times and the experiences I had to share weren’t the answers he was hoping for. He’s a deep and reflective thinker so I was curious to see how our conversation would go today. Hearing his observations and his thoughts from the past ten days was such a gift. He’s a fascinating person and I hope that one day we meet in person.

If everything goes as planned, tomorrow will be the closing. I sold the house in Seattle. I knew that if I ended up moving back to Seattle someday, I couldn’t see myself living there. Still, while logically it all makes sense, it is bringing up a lot of memories. I remember going through it with my Mom and how much she loved it. I really thought we were going to have a fantastic life there. The time that we did have there, I am very grateful for.

The last time I was in there, I still flinched in the living room. I still looked for her, even amidst all of the furniture of the tenants. Then I grounded myself by reminding myself that she’s with me all the time, according to what we have been told. I carry her words daily with me.

After all, my Mom was really good at being in motion 😉

We live on a square that is anchored by The Big Church – this is a literal translation from what it is called in Dutch – De Grote Kerk. While it is known to host dance events and parties, it is still a church in service and Sunday mornings the bells ring to call people to the service. They have just finished ringing for this morning. I love this sound, even when it goes on for 10 minutes in a row.

When I get on my bike in the morning, I always look up at the church tower to see what time it is. When I am at my favorite little bar, I can see the tower clock if I look down the alley. Then I know if I have time for another drink or not 😉

When the hour strikes, I love the steady big bell sound. On the half hour, it’s a single bell. I keep time this way when I am somewhere away from a clock – like reading under the trees on the terrace.

This is why I have a hard time understanding why some people move to a house near a working church tower and then complain about the bells. Most of them want them silenced or muffled and I am like “You didn’t check before you bought that house? It’s called due diligence, jackass.” I get very heated on the topic of people moving somewhere and then feeling like things should be changed to suit them – whether it is church bells or more recently in the news, the case of Maurice the Rooster in the French countryside that apparently makes too much noise for the new “second home, escape from the city couple” that has filed a lawsuit.

This is what I saw happen in Seattle. People come to a new area and want to recreate all of the experiences that they had in their previous home without regard for what is available to them in the new setting.  Understandable but defeats the purpose of moving somewhere new. Live in and experience the differences of where you are. Contribute positively by making a difference – I plan to someday open up a vegan diner in the region 😉 and leave your entitlement behind at baggage claim.

On Friday, we went for a walk with the dogs in the afternoon and while we were walking along the walls of the church, GG pointed to a cat that stood right in the middle of our path and said “Isn’t that one of ours?”  Guess what, it was Pickle. He apparently found his way over the rooftops and followed us. He clearly hadn’t been out that way before because he wasn’t very good at dodging things like bicycles. So we walked back home, calling him to follow us. He did, for the most part. There were a few open doors that he ran into and quickly ran out of again. I think it was definitely by accident. We escorted him inside the house and then went back to taking a walk. While it would be ideal if he would just follow along on a walk, I am worried about him getting too used to cars, scooters and traffic in general.

Today was the first day of our new program. We are doing it entirely ourselves this time, without any other partners. I was naturally in a high state of anxiety overnight – worrying about whether or not anyone would show up, what if I overslept, what if it was terrible and everyone left, etc. All those kinds of questions.

Most of which turned out to be unnecessary. Only one person dropped out due to difficulty with finding a place to live. Everyone else showed up, nothing bad happened and I did not oversleep. 😉

I am much more relaxed about tomorrow. Much to the relief of the household!

Yesterday, after getting everything ready for today, GG and I went with the boys to her parents house. Her dad’s birthday was yesterday so we drove to the “village” and sat in the garden with the older generation 😉 Much to the delight of the boys, the whole bowl containing slices of liverworst fell on the ground. However, it was picked up too fast for them to get the whole thing. They did manage to get a slice a piece… ick. That’s also when I realized we could never leave the boys with GG’s parents for petsitting because we would come back to two very chubby dogs full of people food!

I feel good today. I am exhausted – probably from all the unnecessary anxiety. 😉 When I think about the experience today, I realize that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. That sort of certainty is a gift. I like to think that my Mom would have enjoyed today. She certainly would have fit in with the stories and the laughter.

George is having a deep dream while Olive is curled up next to him. Apparently, his dog dream yips don’t disturb her rest at all! Starting next week, the boys will come with me to the new office. I even have a dog bed for them under my desk. Can’t wait :).

It’s Midsummer today, the longest day of the year. My Mom would always say that was the last day before winter started. 😉 Same thing with December 21st but then in reference to summer.

For some reason, the 21st of June also seems to be a milestone moment. I find that I have been calculating how many days of long daylight were left over the past week. Over the past week especially, I’ve been sleeping only when it was actually dark which has been progressively less each day. Strangely enough, it hasn’t made me tired. Which makes me wonder what light really does with our internal clocks. For the pets, it doesn’t seem to make a difference – they sleep when and where the want to. Although George is a big fan of a breakfast that is earlier and earlier each day. 😉

Yesterday we had to go to Groningen. I didn’t have anyone to walk the boys during the day so into the car they went and to class with me. They did a great job and didn’t pee in the classroom. Although they were at exactly the right height to stick their noses into people’s laptop bags, looking for snacks.

GG has been away this week on some secret training. What does this mean? Besides the fact that I am even more certain that we will never have a smart home? It means that the kittens are allowed to sleep upstairs!!! They have gotten much better at only running around for the first 15 minutes and wrecking the place. After that, they settle down and start sleeping, usually with their paws wrapped around each other or one of the boys.

We got the good news last weekend that Rupert and Meredith have a dog! Stella is her name. We saw pictures of her and I think that she probably already rules their house!

Okay, time to feed the pets and enjoy the last day of summer 😉

Today is your 19th birthday. Yesterday, I stood in line at the paint counter and was so struck by the young man mixing up the paint. He reminded me of you, at your most awkward self. And as he made conversation with me, I found myself stuttering and answering in sentences that didn’t make any sense at all. What I wanted most was to ask him where he was from and who his people were. But I didn’t. Because I felt like I didn’t have the right. And I didn’t want to burden him with the sentence “There’s something about you that really reminds me of my son.”

I ate two pieces of pizza for lunch today, in your honor. They weren’t very good. I am experiencing that repeatedly this week. Things that once meant something don’t really seem to anymore. I don’t mean memories of you. I do mean things like plain cheese pizza from a particular store.

What would you be like now? Would you be hip and happening? Or would you still be slightly awkward and goofy? How tall would you have grown? Would you be a decent bicycle rider or would you be better off on foot? Would you still have that sudden laugh that always sounds like you were being surpised? That’s how I knew that something had really gotten to you, the laugh that came out of nowhere and the one that always made you look around like “Where did that come from?”

What would you be doing? You might have been working fulltime or going to school. We used to talk about your choices and which ones were you going to make. Either way, the rule was clear – work or school, no sitting around the house. What music would you have been making? And dance, you loved to dance.

We love you, Raven. Still. Always.

Last Sunday, I blamed my Eurovision sized ick feeling on a hangover. Perhaps that wasn’t quite correct as I have spent the past week in the midst of a lovely flu. I’ve lost my voice and as GG says I “cough like a construction worker”. It’s finally sort of coming back around. I hope that by tomorrow I will wake up sounding normal at least!

Right now, we are waiting on GG before we go for a Sunday afternoon walk. After four hours of playing Helpdesk for her parents, it’s time to get moving. Henry and George are waiting patiently while the kittens have given up and are stretched in opposite directions and taking a nap. They are the longest cats. I think Pickle is already over two feet long when he is stretched out.

It’s Memorial Day weekend for the US. Like so many people, I used to associate this weekend with the first acknowledgment of summer. We didn’t go away for it, since everyone else did. However, the having a long weekend seemed like a luxury. I noticed today that I am still holding on to this mindset, that Sunday is the day to get ready for Monday. That with Sunday, there’s not really time to do stuff just because you enjoy it.

In Europe, calendars and the week start on Monday. Sunday isn’t preparation for the week to come, it is a closing to the week that has just happened. Plenty of people are good at enjoying Sunday 😉 I happen to be one that needs to continue to work on this. Admitting you have a problem is the first step!

I am not going to think too much about the things that are happening Monday and instead I am going to go wander cobblestoned streets of our town with my GF and the dogs. Enjoy yours!

Last night, GG and I went to the cafe around the corner to watch the Eurovision finals on the big screen. Much to the delight of most of our fellow viewers, The Netherlands won. I think for the first time in forty odd years. However, long before the winner was announced, the celebratory drinks were flowing fast and free…

Here’s where evidence points to the fact that GG is smarter than I am. She sticks to one kind of drink the whole night, usually beer. At the end, she switches to Diet Coke. Yours truly does not do that. I switch back and forth. Last night, I think made that journey between wine, champagne, shots called “woods walkers”, mineral water, back to wine and I think there might also have been another random champagne in there.

Let’s just say that I am not 20 anymore and today has been a day of reflection 😉 In the meantime, GG was able to bounce right out of the house and head off to her smart people high tea. Now I am drinking some detox tea that tastes so awful that I quite like it.

The cafe around the corner has really uncomfortable bar stools, cheap drinks, questionable music and only one bathroom for all. What it does not have are hipsters, people who drive expensive cars or expensive cocktails. Instead the people who frequent this cafe are quite colorful and special. The bartender is also so fantasically fast with smartass remarks that it is a joy to just sit there and listen in.

Now if I could only find someone to deliver pizza…

That’s exactly what Henry is doing next to me. George is momentarily awake because Olive is walking around meowing. I am not exactly sure what she is saying but she certainly has a great deal on her mind.

Her meowing reminds me of Mikha. Mikha also used to express herself frequently and loudly. I think perhaps that’s a big part of my secret weakness for tabby cats – their slightly oddball personalities. Although I am sure that there are plenty of tabby cats out there that are loving and kind – I have an affinity for the ones that are a little bit odd. Lientje was also fit that model – our little space cadet. Olive is kind of fierce like Mikha in the sense that she dares everything. But where does that leave Pickle? Pickle is not adventurous. He’s got a lot of swagger, like he’s the big man on campus. However, when it comes to do something scary or new, it’s Olive that is leading the way.

What I love very much about them both is that they are not shy about wanting to be hugged or picked up. Even if you are not quite ready to make that commitment. It’s like “Love me, NOW, damnit!” and they will just jump right into you for a hug.

This has been a busy week. Not like that is news. However, Henry and George have been playing a big part in our meetings this week. Turns out that not only are they in the office dogs, they are also offsite dogs. We had some work to do out of the office this week and they participated. We were doing some strategic planning and had to physically align ourselves to certain themes. Henry went to stand on the block “Assess” and George went to stand on the block “Allies”… it was uncanny! There was no prompting or bribing with dog treats. I wasn’t standing on either of those blocks either.

No big plans for the weekend other than watching the Eurovision finals tonight at the cafe around the corner where we go for drag bingo. Oh, and maybe tomorrow the beach if the weather holds – so the boys can get some wind in their hair. And if you are wondering, yes, I did reach Rupert on his birthday. 🙂

My youngest brother, Rupert, has his birthday today. I have a feeling that he has probably replaced his mobile and forgotten to reinstall some things. My brother is a genius of many kinds but practical technology details are not really his thing. I discovered this when I tried to call him repeatedly at Christmas and he found it strange that I hadn’t called him. Turns out my sister in law pointed him to his phone and the missing Viber was discovered.  😉 Therefore in the event that he has replaced his phone again, I’m taking a guess that he might need to reinstall.

In the meantime, I will say “Happy Birthday” here. I’m excited that you and Meredith are coming to visit in September and can’t wait to take you to all kinds of new places where you can casually work your way into the conversation with strangers and have them offer you part of their bitterballen. I’m looking forward to sitting on the back deck with you and talking until the sun goes down. And we will have ordered a special party for your arrival!